This week I was on my way to my favorite gourmet deli in Brooklyn to get coffee before tennis and I ran into an old flame, a guy I had met at a meetup.com event last summer. I liked him almost immediately (I’m not sure about Love at First Sight, I’ve never experienced THAT) and we seemed to hit it off, he was easy to talk to, he played tennis, and I gave him my writer/editor card with the simple sunflower design before I left. He emailed me the next day and my three-week crush started. Yes, it only lasted three weeks. A few dates (including one tennis outing), a lot of kissing and fondling, and then he dumped me.
I was looking particularly cute the day he ended it. White jeans and a sexy sleeveless black top. I was so looking forward to seeing him, we were going to have drinks after work, and I spotted him in front of the neighborhood bar. He looked stressed, but then he owned a small business and who’s not stressed these days who works in any kind of business? We strolled down the street, hand in hand, and then he suddenly steered me toward a quiet (well, quiet for Brooklyn) street and said he couldn’t see me anymore. He didn’t have a specific reason, but I think relationships can be so mysterious. Reason seems to have little to do with it. Perhaps he freaked because I liked him so much? Anyone who’s fortysomething and has never married has some issue with intimacy, I think.
When I saw again this week, I wondered why I had been so taken with him in the first place. He looked plain, ordinary, and in those three weeks I saw some neurotic tendencies, although I chose to ignore them at the time. I tend to fall hard and quickly. I have probably had six crushes on men in the last year. I’m in the throes of no. 6 now; is something wrong with me? Am I acting like a kid looking for a date for the Prom? (OK, I never went—I have a mild hangup about this) Am I a victim of arrested development?
I want to inject some reason in my search for Mr. Acceptable, so I’ve come up with five prerequisites: 1. sane–he is OK in his skin, at least most of the time, and he’s OK in this world, most of the time 2. funny—he has to make me laugh and he has to appreciate my zany sense of humor 3. financially stable–need I say more? I can’t support him, and it would be nice if he could pick up the check when we go out for dinner on Sat night 4. kind and generous–he should be sweet, not angry at the world, charitable 5. intellectual–he needs to read books and be a thinker, someone who appreciates good literature and music, the arts.
I may want to rent a car, wear an astronaut diaper, and drive across state lines to see my current flame, but first I need to make sure that he meets all five requirements. Last summer’s crush probably scored 3 out of 5. That’s not good enough. P, another crush I had this year, also scores a 3. D, whom I met online, scores Zero. R, another online guy who’s now a friend, scores 4. R2, another online guy, scores 4. I’m holding out for a crush who can score a big 5.