I’m done with online dating—for now. The last guy I fell hard for turns out to be a liar, since he posted several photos of himself on eharmony that were five years old. Maybe in today’s online community mores, this isn’t really a crime. But it is in my book. If you’re really serious about finding a partner, why would you post all your photos from a time in your life when you were 25 pounds lighter and in good physical shape? Am I being too righteous? Because it would never occur to me to post photos of myself when I was 35? (I don’t even think I looked great at 35, post divorce and thin, melancholy and going through the motions of life!) Damn it, I’m 50 1/2 years old and I look pretty good for my age. As Gloria Steinem once famously said, THIS IS WHAT 50 LOOKS LIKE. I am physically active, I am usually careful about what I put in my mouth (OK, I probably shouldn’t have put that in my mouth last summer when I was dating M), and I pay attention to my emotional and spiritual health.
If a man has to lie, do it to my face, in my physical presence and not from another time zone, another zip code. I don’t want flirty emails, sexy phone calls or texts. Give me a hug. Kiss my cheek. Hold my hand. Rub my sore neck. Touch me. Don’t send me a musical electronic card from Yahoo!.
It’s time for me to step away from virtual dating and focus on my Real World. What’s working, what’s not working, what do I fix and what I do I accept, how do I bring more happiness into my life? As my therapist says, I need to do more “self-regulation.” Keep doing social activities, taking classes, playing tennis, exercising, laughing and living my life. Live. Forget perfect job, perfect partner, perfect apartment, perfect city. What’s going to work for me? Progress not perfection. Part of me is stagnating, and I need to make a change. Go West, middle-aged vibrant woman, and seek your new life.