Morning anger

I wonder how long this has been going on, this habit of being angry in the morning.  Ever since my family started moving around every two to three years, and I had to adjust to a new school?  Since that pattern started when I was about six, it has been a very long time then!  Is this a habit that I can kill off, like others that no longer serve me.

I open my eyes, it’s morning, and I dread getting vertical.  Years ago, I had a valid reason.  I was a new kid in school, I was taunted, I had to make new friends again, blah blah.  Today I wake up in my high-ceilinged Brooklyn apartment, I live in a charming historic district, I only have to commute into the city four days a week now, I have amazing colleagues, I am appreciated at work, I have a nice (shared) office.  I am in good health most days.  There’s little reason to be angry in the morning.

Years ago when I used to go to Al-Anon meetings (for family/friends of alcoholics) I learned about the acronym HALT.  If I’m hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, STOP.  Take care of myself.  Feed myself, my soul, my mind, my heart.  Sounds simple, but how often do I neglect some part of me?  Deny myself.  Am I more comfortable with mild distress than with pleasure?

Am I angry because I am partner-less at this time in my life?  This is not what I would have chosen.  But I have so many other blessings: a wonderful niece and nephew on the west coast; friends all over the country; a decent brother who lives overseas; a sister-in-law who has been so wonderful to me; a father who became caring and kind later in his life; a good life in NY; ability to create a new life for myself in another part of the country.  You can’t have everything that you want, at one point in time.

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