Passion has its price. You are often off-center, looking for an anchor. I wear a Harmony and Balance bracelet that a family member gave me a couple of years ago. Is it helping me? This too will pass. I will figure out how to be, with this passion that I feel for Bill. It usually takes him some time to respond to my texts, and I have to remember that he has a busy life with multiple obligations (compared to me) and that he will get back to me. And he does.
Where does this separation anxiety come from? Like a child who is afraid that his beloved parent has disappeared from Earth when she is away on a shopping trip. People come and go, we have things to do and people to see, deadlines to meet, family commitments. In Bill’s case, he has an ex-wife and a young daughter whom he sees a couple of times a week. In addition to a demanding career and he is an alpha type. Ambitious, hard-working. And he is a happy well-adjusted person with a full social life. He’s also training for a marathon.
That is not to say that he is more important than me. I have my needs. I need to text, sext, talk, meet in person. On some regular basis. I am like a child, I need some routines. I need to know you are around, that you are thinking well of me. I’m much older than you, and my time is precious too. I can’t waste it.
Ah, the price and rewards of being attached to another human being. Whenever two full-fledged adults get together, it’s a long shot, right? But it is so worth it. What I know about myself is this: I love to be in a healthy relationship, I love to give my love, I love to be connected, I love to have “us” in my life, and I want you to be so happy. I want to walk with you, hold your hand, smile at silly things, feel you near me, on top of me, inside me, in my constellation.
I am so worth it.