Listen to your friends

I got some good advice recently. A very old friend of mine told me to protect myself, that my current “beau” is emotionally unavailable for a real relationship.  I’m watching this carefully, I stammered. Yeah, she said, I think you’re watching yourself falling in love with him. Right! I’m obsessing and imagining a wonderful relationship with someone who is inappropriate for me.

Another friend, who’s only in his late 20’s, said that I can’t hang around waiting for my beau to text me. How long does it take to send a short text? he said.

A girlfriend who’s in her late 20’s said to me that he is probably a fun date but…he’s probably not age appropriate for you.  She didn’t say that exactly but that was the message. Right again.

Reality check. Good friends value honesty. They are there for you. You don’t have to wait days for a simple text. If you ask a friend if he wants to get together, he’ll let you know in 24 hours. He won’t let you hang on. This behavior is disrespectful, shows you that your “friend” is not really a friend. He is self-absorbed and is not ready for you to hand over your life. Note to self.

First, love yourself. Don’t accept bad behavior. I’m not in high school. I’m in perimenopause, I’m in pre-retirement. He is a 30something man-child, divorce or no divorce, child or no child.

I have a romantic notion of love. It’s all encompassing and selfless. I am too generous and other-centered for most men. Move on.

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