Of course I knew it was a mistake. I knew it before, during, and after. I had known that for many years, that loveless sex is not for me. But sometimes you say Yes because you’re human, it’s a full moon, it’s been a while, and you want a mid-life adventure.
He wasn’t a stranger; I had known him for a year and he had made his intentions clear. Intellectually I clearly said No. So instead of meeting in person, we engaged in sporadic texting and phone calls. A few amorous texts at the right time and I gave in.
Afterwards I deluded myself and imagined him as my boyfriend. He played along for a couple of weeks then he was done. He knew better, he knew how the game was played. I learned that no one is too old to make mistakes.
Now, many months later, I have vestiges of pain and pleasure from that night. Mostly pain. But now I can cross that off my bucket list. Loveless sex—been there, done that, hate it, won’t do it again.