Unhealthy pain

I always tell my doctors/therapists that I have a high threshold for pain.  I usually laugh when I say this. It’s an Asian thing, you know, the obligatory piano lessons as soon as you can walk. The pre-med training. All those years of white-knuckling it.  But there’s a limit, even for me. When walking to/fro my neighborhood farmer’s market is too much for my hip, when the trip home seems like an eternity, when I have to stop to rest my aching hip…I’ve reached an unhealthy level of pain.

Don’t discount it, I tell myself. Don’t give in to habit. What is the pain telling me, what is its story, what course of action must I start? When do I clear the decks so that I can have surgery? What obligation/responsibility/fear stands in my way? What is more important than my health and wellness? Is surgery the answer?

Pain, you’ve been my companion for so long. If it wasn’t physical, it was emotional or spiritual pain. Am I having trouble letting you go? I am more accustomed to these latter forms. Excruciating physical pain, you are something new. I don’t want to get used to you.

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One Response to Unhealthy pain

  1. We pattern our lives. The pain is a strand in the weave. We lose track of it as a separate, telling thing. What would Diana Nyad say? Is it useful for us to compare anything we do or think with her? Not sure!

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